FEAR

I never fear that’s what you’d like to hear, but i do and that’s true. Just a moment without being scared, can I say do or feel anything or are you going to judge me ?”

here’s my story of being afraid

A brave little person as i like myself to be and do believe me when i say, that i was brave once, much more courageous that i am today. Independence and truth were the moral grounds of the personality I grew up with. So how come I’m scared now ? Because this isn’t me , this person that I’ve become is something even I don’t recognise. I avoid mirrors and choose to hide out, being out of sight is a gift for me and I never let myself feel the pain that hides unhealed in my mind and body, scraping it’s way to the surface are the memories of my life that passed before my eyes so fast and with such electricity that it just takes a blink of an eye in for them to rush back to me. I am terrified!

I buried those songs and the thoughts of right and wrong.

I bled the pain our to heal from tragedy!

Alas! These tricks didn’t last.

How well do I know myself? Not that well actually

And how close am I to giving into my fears? I’m quite there really

I’m boring and indecisive also selfish and hateful.

I’m all the things wrong with this world and also ungrateful.

Above anything that I am or may have been, I’ve been weak that’s what I thought with me was as wrong.

I am afraid, the product of fright & mistrust is all I’ve been all along!

It’s the wrong kind of courage that’s motivated by fear.

Bravery tainted with lies, that you tell your self about being weak is cowardice.

I see that now I recognise the error of my ways!

But fear! Oh once it touches your skin, it only grows like an infection within.

No one would or could touch you now that you’re infected with the worst kind of disease there is, paranoia!